Part 59: The End
Part 59
(I'd like to thank Cobalt Chloride, Red Zeppelin, and myself for the drawings in this update. Mainly myself. I am so awesome.)
There is a God!
[Dec 2nd, 1014|6:12 am][Current Mood|
shock and joy][Current Music|They Might Be Giants - Chariots Of Fire]
It's taken me a while to get out the funk losing Ducken threw me in. It would have taken longer, but last night something amazing happened...
What's that thing in the sky?
Oh Jesus it's that bird God come back for revenge! Quick, get into the bomb shelter!
It's... not setting us on fire.Wait a minute... That face... Ducken?
DUCKEN! You're back! Oh God, I missed you! I'd hug you if it wouldn't light me on fire.
I don't know how, but Ducken was somehow reborn from the his ashes. Like... like a... I don't know, like some kind of bird that comes back from the dead. We're going to have to seriously train him up if we want to beat those jerks in the S Rank again. I think I'll just copy what I did for Ducken when he was a Ducken, so I won't need any advice from you guys this time. I'll let you know how things turn out!
Loongear the Conqueror
[Jun 19th, 1018|6:12 am][Current Mood|
cool as a cucumber][Current Music|Andrew WK - Party Hard]
Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated my blog in... wow, 4 years. I have a good excuse, though! I've been training with Ducken in the mountains.
We focused our inner chi and stuff until Ducken could smash rocks by looking at them. I felt pretty pumped up, too. Now all we have to do is wait for the invitations to the special elite tournaments to roll in.
Well that was easy. So, what's the deal with these tournaments?
Each of the Major 4 has a reigning champion. If you beat that champion, you win their title. Oh, so it's like boxing.
What's boxing?I'll show you sometime. Probably soon. Who are we fighting first?
Silas Van Burkle. His bio says he really likes HIM and Anne Rice novels. 
Welcome, Kine, to my nightmare!I- wh- huh?
I think that's Silas. I'll not answer to that name Mom gave me. You may call me Mercurio. Can we just fight now?
Very well! Now you must face the terror of... Zelandia!Let me guess: It's another lemur wearing makeup.
See for yourself!
JESUS CHRIST.
Go on, Ducken. Kill that... giant zombie dragon.
With a mighty quack, Ducken focused two concentrated beams of heat at the skeleton.
It hurt Zelandia, but didn't kill him. And boy, did he look pissed.
But Ducken remained cool. He simply stared at the dragon until he exploded.
How do you like THAT, Gothy McStereotype?
I saved up my allowance for YEARS to get that monster! You'll live to regret this!
Leaving the big velvet baby to cry to himself, Colt and I walked off with our first of rht big 4 titles and a huge wad of cash. I bought so much ice cream that night. Sadly, Ducken melted it all.
Who's next?
It's... um... Kavaro?
Kavaro, what the hell are you doing here?
I found a monster during one of my expeditions. Since you kept refusing to go with me, I kept it for myself. The little fella's getting pretty dang strong. Well let's see the little fel-
Kavaro?
Yep?I just want you to know that win or lose, I hate you so very much.
Well, shoot.
It turns out, Kavaro isn't very good at training his monsters. Ducken was just starting to make the motions to let off his massive laser beams...
And that alone was enough to make Kavaro's death clown drop dead.
Kavaro, you really suck at this.
Yeah, I know. Say, how about going to the jungle with me? Where are you guys going? You going to the jungle? The jungle's the other way. Guys?
I feel really dirty after that match. If I see one more explorer today, I will hurt someone. Moving on.
Ducken's ready! Now what's the next chump on our quest to glory?
Captain James C. HighlinerWe're fighting a captain?
Well, not exactly. Captain's his first name. That disappoints me more than it should.
So yer me opponent then, eh?Yessir.
Fishtick?Um. No thank you.
Very well then. To battle! Keelhaul 'em, Ishmael!
It says here your monster's name is Drewguard, not Ishmael. I know, I know... I was very drunk that day. Can we please get this over with?
Thank you, Ducken!
How do you even get a whale on land in the first place?
We're not done yet, laddie. Show 'em yer true grit, Ishmael!
Now, finish 'em!
You knew this was going to happen.
Y... Y'arr...
More money for the money pile. I love my money pile.
Last one! Alright! Who do we have to finish off, Colt?
Randy Protagonist. What the hell? He's, like, six. How the hell did a kid get this far as a monster breeder? And what the hell is with his eyes?
He has cancer. Fighting in one of the Major 4 was what he wanted from the Make A Wish foundation. So the eyes are from the tumor?
No, he's just ugly.Oh, okay then.
Hi!Oh God get it away from me!
Loongear! Cancer!Ohh, right. So you're our next opponent?
That's right! I know I can win because I believe in myself!That's nice.
Also because the Make A Wish foundation gave me this huge robot!
WHAT!? How is that not against the rules!?
According to the guide, they made this robot using the bones of dead mocchis. So it's made up of just enough monster parts to technically count as a monster. Damn it. Go kill that cyborg, Ducken! You've faced worse! Maybe.
Randy was busy trying to make the remote control for his iron giant work to actually fight with it.
Ducken used the opportunity to generate enough heat to melt down all of its robotic parts.
All that was left were some mocchi bones and lumps of steel. I guess Randy should have wished to not suck! Ha! Stupid dying kid.
We... we did it! WE DID IT!
I know, we-Ducken! You and me! We did it! Just the two of us! High five, buddy!
This isn't filled with chocolate, is it?
No. Believe me, I tried. 
You have reached the highest rank a trainer possibly can.Does this mean I can finally go home?
Sure, why not?
Yeah, we- what the hell did you just say?
No, that wasn't it at all. Go back to the time thing.
Why am I putting up with this? Come on, Ducken. Let's go home. I left the tivo running, so we have a lot of TV to catch up on.
Loongear? Hello? Loongear...? Anyone there? Can I get a ride home?